I think it’d be fun to go to hell and start a rebellion.

Somewhat impractical because, well, hell doesn’t actually exist.

Don’t Box Me In

I want to go to one of those places that has a big “WE SELL BOXES” sign, and ask them “what kinda boxes do y’all sell?” and then when they show them to me, say “Oh…” in a really disappointed way and leave looking really sad.


This is actually based on a fun little irrational paranoia I have.

I want to have an invisible car.

See, a lot of times when I back out of a parking spot I’m afraid I’ll hit a car that wasn’t there before. Cause some jerk has an invisible car.

So I think it’d be cool to get an invisible car and tool around the parking lot at like walmart or Target or something and wait for someone to back into it. Then turn the car back to visible and go “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW THE HELL DIDN’T YOU SEE ME THERE??????”


I think it’d be funny to start a company in the Cayman Islands, and do all the banking in the US.

I have no idea why the heck I think that’s funny, but hey.


It’s that time again – time to go over to Barnes & Noble and ask if they have the new Kindle.

I’m With Stupids


Need a Lift

Another one from my friend Räechæl.

When you get in an elevator, just keep facing the way you came in.

Bonus points if you still press the buttons. Or try to.

Fairly practical, actually, so go out and try it!

Or? Why not Trick and treat?

It’s almost Halloween, which is when kids come over to strange peoples’ houses and ask for candy.

I like Halloween, because it’s a holiday where you’re explicitly allowed to scare the crap out of little kids. Anyone who has the guts to cross the police line tape and the chalk outlines and come up to my door deserves the candy they get.

A while ago I saw these little packets of chocolate covered espresso beans at the store. Like real small fun-size ones. I’d kinda looove to give those out to kids. I’d imagine the scene later on that night. “Ok Little Johnny, time to go to bed.” “CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I have been legally advised not to ever actually do this, though. Ok a friend who’s a lawyer said it’s a bad idea.


A lot of people say that if they win the lottery, the first thing they’d do is quit their job.

That’s a total waste.

I’d keep my job but do absolutely no work at all. And see how long it takes till someone catches on.

Non-practical for, well, obviously.

Nap time

I think it’d be funny to go to a yoga class and then pretend to fall asleep. Bonus points for snoring loudly.

My girlfriend claims that this is not a non-practical joke. But she still won’t do it.

The Finger

Ok, so you know those Vibram 5-Finger shoes? I dunno what, but I’m sure there’s SOME kind of prank there. They just look so dumb.

And yes I have a pair.

UPDATE: No I don’t.


I’d like to get an iguana.

They get to be 6′ (or about 2 meters) long.

And I just want to see the look on the cats face when he turns a corner and there’s a friggin 6′ lizard.

It’s like if I turn a corner and there’s a friggin dinosaur.

Super non-practical because, well, it’s playing a prank on a cat. Also nobody will lend me an iguana.

Blood pressure

I originally had this idea when I was at the doctor with my girlfriend.

When you go to a doctor (at least here in the US) you get left in the exam room on your own WAY more than is good for anyone.

My one idea was that when the doctor comes back into the room, they find my girlfriend with that blood pressure cuff thing around her neck, kinda making chocking noises, and me with the pump thinggie going “hang in there, baby, almost done!”

For some reason my girlfriend didn’t want to do it.

You could easily do this on your own, too. Just have them find you with the thing around your neck making choking noises.

Yup, picking on the disc golfers again

I have my vegetable garden surrounded by what is called deer fencing. I suppose it’s purpose is to keep deer out, but the cool thing about it is that it’s impossible to see unless you’re right next to it.

So I was thinking it’d be nice to set up a big huge patch of that on a disc golf course.

By the way, the reason I keep picking on disc golfers is that they put a disc golf course in the park where I walk the dog.

You smell something?

Here’s an idea, release a very nervous skunk in a crowded theatre.

Can’t really take credit for this idea since I think someone actually did it in the theatre I was at tonight.